OCD No-go

Well I just made an error. A big massive mistake. I should know better. Everyone with OCD should know better. It's practically core to keeping OCD calm without proper treatment.

Avoid areas that may contain triggers. It's like rule 1. I wasn't even doing anything unusual. I read a lot of news and articles online. Since I can't go out very much, I should at least be informed about the world.  Mostly this is fine. Ocassionally you see a headline about cancer but mostly there's nothing scary. Ocassionally you get pulled in to the wrong story by it's intriguing and inoffensive title, only to find it's a trigger once you start to read what the story is actually about. These events are rare so I don't think about them or try to avoid them.

What I do actively avoid is the health page. VERY ocassionally I skin it for mental health articles. But tonight I ran out of things to read and skimmed other sections out of boredom. I told myself not to click on health. I knew it wouldn't end well. It rarely does. But I did it anyway. I read through the top articles and clicked on one about oral health. BIG mistake. Unforgivable really. It was all about how they have found new links to throat and mouth cancer. I should have stopped there. I could eaily have turned back with just a small spike in anxiety and been fine in no time. But no, I read on. I read about how apparently people who regularly use mouthwash were found to be more likely to develop cancer. I mean great. I started using mouthwash about a month ago because I freaked out that my teeth were going to fall out. Now I can't use it because I'm freaking out it'll give me cancer.

I mean it's just ridiculous. I could have been blissfully ignorant. I wouldn't be worrying about either cancer or my teeth falling out. Now I'm worrying about both. Haven't I got anough other worries without this? And really it's all my own fault. I know not to look. But still, I did, and now I'm stuck with this. Because Not only does the article not specify what about mouthwash causes the risk, it also doesn't say how much it raises the risk. If the increased risk is tiny, I might not be able to use more but I would be able to stop worrying that I've caused myself irreversible damage.