Donald Trump and Mental Health

Now, I was refusing to wade in on politics before people went to the polling stations, since I'm from the UK and I don't want to sound like I'm pushing a particular view. Although, I doubt my opinion would have counted for much.

Anyway, let's talk Trump. Now that America have him as a President what will it mean for mental health? For me, not a lot I'm a tourist if I'm there and all it means is more anxiety at Border Control (and that was stressful enough when I went in May this year). For Americans, it's a different story.

A report published by Market Watch, has certainly shown how much Trump/Pence have made people's mental health worse. Several Crisis and Suicide hotlines have seen significant increases in the number of calls they're recieving since as early as last Tuesday. This is being put down to people becoming increasingly concerned about how their rights will be affected under Trump's government.

This concern seems especially prevalant among the LGBT community, since Trump has been promising to overturn marriage equality laws in the states and Mike Pence has been called "one of the most anti-gay governors in the nation". Sexual Assault hotlines have also seen around a 33% rise in calls since a tape with Trump bragging about sexually assaulting a woman, surfaced in October.

These may be extreme examples but many people have also been speaking of their increased stress and anxiety since the election. People are worried about their futures under this new, and extreme, government. Post election depression always happens a little, the losing side is always dissapointed and a little deflated, it's understandable.

However, this level of anxiety isn't normal. This is genuine fear for what may become of the country. Calls by people in America hoping to make appointments with doctors and therapists has also risen exponentially since Wednesday.


But how will the Trump/Pence administration affect access to healthcare? Another reason for people rushing to their therapists now is because of one of Trump's key election proposals. To repeal the Affordable Care Act. Now, being from the UK, I don't understand why people would be against Obamacare. Why would people not want free healthcare for all? We have it here, it works fine, has been for around a century. I mean it would be better with more money obviously, but it gives everybody equal access to staying alive for longer. But apparently, Trump and the Republican voters hate the idea of funding healthcare. Trump's campaign threatened both Obamacare and Medicaid. These are both vital services to helping the disabled and supporting mental health in low-income citizens. Also, by repealing the Affordable Care Act, Trump is effectively rolling back civil rights for disabled people. We will go back to an America that is allowed to discriminate against people with pre-existing medical conditions.

I think the most shocking thing about all of this isn't that these plans exist, but that he actually believes that this is the right things to do, that anyone believes this is the right thing to do. Politicians say a lot of things to win votes, we all know that, we have to take everything they say with a bit of a pinch of salt but Trump and his supporters actually believe that autism is caused by vaccines and that people with mental health conditions all have the ability to start a mass shooting. Personally, I've never walked into my university and thought that I wanted to shoot everyone because I'm a "mentally ill sicko". I'm Obsessive Compulsive, I'd spend so long cleaning up that it wouldn't be worth it!

But in all seriousness, it's terrifying that he would rather lock up people with mental health conditions "just in case" than sanction gun control and reform that would insure safety from the occasional person who may be mentally ill that takes a gun to a school. Trump thinks that mental illness predicts violence and crime! Trump's views on mental health are outdated, uninformed and just plain ignorant. He said in an interview in October, that war veterans who suffer from mental health issues aren't "strong" and "just can't handle it". I mean really, who says things like that?

This is the only section of Trump's campaign website to mention mental healthcare:
 "Finally, we need to reform our mental health programs and institutions in this country. Families, without the ability to get the information needed to help those who are ailing, are too often not given the tools to help their loved ones. There are promising reforms being developed in Congress that should receive bi-partisan support"
To me that just sounds like wanting to shift mental healthcare from healthcare professionals and onto friends and family. I mean, sure you should have support from the people around you, but it shouldn't be at the expense of having professional help as well.

I don't know how all of this will end, but soon-to-be President Trump, seems to have some scary views. All I can say to any Americans reading is, if you are experiencing anxiety or issues since the election seek help from everywhere possible, including on here and on forums, we're all here for you!

Also, don't be afraid to start reversing the immigration issues by escaping into Mexico! Quick, before the wall goes up!

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack!

Ok, I know I've been gone for a bit. A long bit. A good long while... Anyway, I'm back now.

I'm still living my life with OCD, although my medication keeps it a little more in perspective than I used to be. I look back through a lot of my old posts and realise how much earlier I maybe should have started taking them. I was very resistant to 'giving in' to taking medication. I wanted to be self-reliant and be able to 'fix' myself naturally.

Maybe, with the right treatment, I still could but that treatment is not available in the UK, where I'm from. Our healthcare system is good for a lot of things. However, they have no focus or real interest in healthcare. The NHS is dedicated to patching people up physically and sending them on their way. I was given about 12 weeks of treatment and then told I wasn't trying hard enough and that's why I wasn't getting better. This was despite me repeatedly trying to tell them that the angle they were taking wasn't working, and requesting they change tack (like they had told me they would).

With this attitude to my mental health, and knowing that I am genetically prone to OCD, anxiety, depression and BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder), I made the difficult decision to start taking pills. And now, nearly three years later, I'm still on one pill of Fluoxetine (also known as Prozac) a day.

I wish I could tell people that I was cured, but what I can say is that I'm back on track. I'm at university now and trying to get a good start on my career. But I have to do that with medication as a crutch.

More to come soon...

Life on Prozac - Day 2

I was finally persuaded by my doctor to start prozac (fluoxetine). I've put it off for over a year but on the agreement that he would re refer me for CBT I agreed. And even then, I've only agreed to take them for the start of college since that will probably be very stressful.

I hate them already... to British people this will look like a very early morning post and to Americans a very late one, but I'll just clear it up for everyone. It's both... it is just going 6am here in Scotland and I haven't slept at all. I've been in bed since 2am (which is average for me) and I can't settle or relax at all. I just keep getting more and more sreessed that I can't sleep. It's genuinely daylight in my room now.

Side effects of prozac start from 1- 5 days. I took my first one on Wednesday, about lunch time and I felt fine then. Nothing at all. And I was so hopeful. Till night time... I was a little on edge and it took me maybe an hour to get to sleep when I'm usually one of those people that take 15mins tops to fall asleep... unless I'm stressed, but that's another story.

But at least I got to sleep on Wednesday. By Thursday afternoon, after taking my second pill, I was hyper active. I couldn't sit still or really concentrate on anything. And it didn't improve by the time I went to bed and now here I am. Frustrated, edgy, fidgety, tired and watching some rubbish on demand because it's too early for most of the channels to be showin anything other than infomercials.

Help me...

The World Today

I've been away from this blog for quite a while now. I lose track of time sometimes and I've been trying to distract myself with planning some events and getting ready for college next term. I'm trying to take this back up again though.

Lately, you may or may not be aware, Europe has been going through it's European Parliament elections. I've become a little obsessed with watching how it's progressing. With benefits and such always being in the queue for the chopping block I've become a little obsessed with a lot of politics.

But a lot about all of this makes me feel a bit sick. I've always been put off people with extremely prejudiced views (including members of my own family). I find it sets me right on edge and makes me want to scream in their faces then run and hide. And the incoming results for this election are making me feel increasingly sickened by Europe as a whole. All across the continent right wing, racist and prejudiced parties are gaining power. In France, a party who passed all sorts of laws to supress muslims in their country now hold most of their country's seats in European Parliament.And in England, UKIP, a party known for their racist, sexist, ex-conservative members who want to leave the EU and cap immigration to an all time low, are gaining more seats than ever. Even here in Scotland (where the UKIP leader must travel with a bodyguard to stop protestors) they may have gained a seat by the end of the night.

I can't stand to see it. Even on the news, when they interview the British public I can feel my blood boil. People full of hate and intolerance for anyone even slightly different. I can't help but feel like I live in a world that WANTS to hate. That is full of hypocrites who condemn other countries for intolerance and then partakes in it themselves. I don't know if it is part of my OCD or just part of me, maybe it is both, but I feel like I'm drowning in it. Like suddenly my opinions are being surpressed and I will be stuck in a world that wants to make life miserable for all but the rich, the straight, the white and the (apparently) sound of mind.

And as I said earlier, even my own family do it to me. I've spoken before about my grandparents thinking I'm faking my mental illness and stuff but a few weeks ago something totally different happened that shook the foundations of my belief that my family contains good people. And it was an argument started by the Eurovision Song Contest, after Conchita Wurst won. My Aunt is very Catholic and she raises her sons that way. That is fine. She imposes her views on the rest of us a little but we just go with it while they're their. but not on this. My little cousin started asking questions about how she could be a man and a woman. Now I tried my best to explain this to his little 10 year old head and I think I did OK. Until my Aunt, Uncle, Gran and Grandad all completely turned on me. All of them shouting either at me or at him that if a person is born a man then they are ALWAYS a man, no matter what. That I was talking nonsense. That I was lying. That God makes people a gender for a reason and they must respect THAT not anything else. I nearly screamed back. I didn't though, I managed to continue eating my dinner and didn't say anything for the rest of the afternoon. I knew I wouldn't be able to say anything without saying what I thought of them. I expected the sort of back dated views from my grandad but that much opposition to tolerant views was just sickening. Apparently my cousins are to be brought up to be completely intolerant of anything.

It's just all so wrong that the world seems to be stepping backwards in it's opinion so much.

Media Induced Ignorance

It could almost be classed as mental illness on it's own. Media Induced Ignorance Disorder. In fact let's refer to it as MIID from now on. It is classified as the impulse to blindly follow and believe everything the media tells you. Symptoms include speaking in long rants about injustice while creating it.

Now, I'll explain where that came from. I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook yesterday. It had taken me till today to calm down about it enough to write about it. Someone on my Facebook; a girl I used to share a class with, was ranting and raving about "benefits scum". A term coined by the media in the first place. This uninformed idiot was ranting on and on (and her friends were joining in too) about how she worked hard for her money but when she asked for Working Tax Credit she was only offered £11, while "benefits scum" where being handed more money for sitting on their arse's than she earned. Apparently this owes her the moral highground. Now I give her if what she said were true she would hold a highground for it. A high ground she would quickly lose for being a raging bitch about it.

However, everything she is saying is in no way true. She is adding to the prejudice spewed out by the media. That the occasional person who does carry out benefit fraud means that everyone else must be to. In her world I must be lying about being too ill to work. I am just sitting on my arse, at home, soaking up money that she would like to add to her own coffers in addition to the money she earns as a hairdresser. Surely, it is worse to earn money and go along to try and wheadle more out of your government than it is to ask for help when you are unable to work? But of course, everyone is able to work and we are deliberately ill. People on jobseekers just want to not work. She doesn't seem to realise how little the amount given to people on benefits is. My mother works but doesn't earn enough so she is given help with the rent from the government. But it still isn't enough. I give her what I can of my benefits and that still isn't enough. My grandparents have to subsidise everything from their pensions.

Are we unworthy of government help? Because what my mum and I recieve still isn't enough to live off. In thoery my £100 a week is supposed to cover all the household bills, food, clothes, transport to my medical care. Now I only contribute to the household bills but if I lived alone I would be thousands in debt. We are in debt enough as it is.

I had to restrain myself from saying this to her on Facebook. It never fails to amaze me how ignorant the world is. MIID! It's an epidemic. I still want to scream at her. That anything, whether it be illness or just a lack of jobs in the current economic climate, would automatically mean that you are "benefits scum" sickens me.

OCD No-go

Well I just made an error. A big massive mistake. I should know better. Everyone with OCD should know better. It's practically core to keeping OCD calm without proper treatment.

Avoid areas that may contain triggers. It's like rule 1. I wasn't even doing anything unusual. I read a lot of news and articles online. Since I can't go out very much, I should at least be informed about the world.  Mostly this is fine. Ocassionally you see a headline about cancer but mostly there's nothing scary. Ocassionally you get pulled in to the wrong story by it's intriguing and inoffensive title, only to find it's a trigger once you start to read what the story is actually about. These events are rare so I don't think about them or try to avoid them.

What I do actively avoid is the health page. VERY ocassionally I skin it for mental health articles. But tonight I ran out of things to read and skimmed other sections out of boredom. I told myself not to click on health. I knew it wouldn't end well. It rarely does. But I did it anyway. I read through the top articles and clicked on one about oral health. BIG mistake. Unforgivable really. It was all about how they have found new links to throat and mouth cancer. I should have stopped there. I could eaily have turned back with just a small spike in anxiety and been fine in no time. But no, I read on. I read about how apparently people who regularly use mouthwash were found to be more likely to develop cancer. I mean great. I started using mouthwash about a month ago because I freaked out that my teeth were going to fall out. Now I can't use it because I'm freaking out it'll give me cancer.

I mean it's just ridiculous. I could have been blissfully ignorant. I wouldn't be worrying about either cancer or my teeth falling out. Now I'm worrying about both. Haven't I got anough other worries without this? And really it's all my own fault. I know not to look. But still, I did, and now I'm stuck with this. Because Not only does the article not specify what about mouthwash causes the risk, it also doesn't say how much it raises the risk. If the increased risk is tiny, I might not be able to use more but I would be able to stop worrying that I've caused myself irreversible damage.

The Tragedy of Benefits

Today, the latest in a string of tragedies for mental health sufferer's has hit the news. he Mental Welfare Commission has led an investigation into the suicide of a woman in Scotland. It came to the conclusion that she committed suicide due to her treatment by the Benefit's Office and how ATOS treated her at her Work Capability Assessment.

This woman, in her early 50s, was engaged, volunteered regularly and had a good social network. But she suffered from severe stress-induced depression. ATOS, who conduct Work Capability Assessments on behalf of the Benefit's Office, conducted an hour long assessment and awarded her zero points in favour of her claim. You must achieve at least 15 points in order to qualify for your benefits.

I was given the exact same result when I went to my Work Capability Assessment. Instead of being given the £100 a week that I was entitled to I was pushed back onto Jobseekers Allowance which amounts to about half that. This poor woman went through exactly the same thing. She was forced to try and make £67 (in 2011, the rate of JSA has since been considerably lowered) pay all her bills and her mortgage, and she was forced to prove that she was looking for work that she knew she could not do.

This woman's doctor, like many other's across the UK, was adamant that she was not fit for work. He was willing to give evidence in her defence. He was never once asked to. Nor was her psychiatrist. The Benefit's Office never once ask for a medical opinion when assessing claimants. They are not interested in the truth, only in forcing people into poverty to save them a buck.

Now, you know I don't like to be turned into a statistic but these numbers seemed to well represent the point. A survey of psychiatrists was taken as part of the investigation. The survey found that while most patients ask them to provide evidence to support their case if asked, 75% of psychiatrists are NOT asked to provide it. It also showed that 85% of patients require more frequent appointments after having anything to do with ATOS or the Benefits Office. 13% of patients attempt suicide after attending a Work Capability Assessment.

In response to the investigation the Benefit's Office claim that all relevant safeguards and procedure were followed. They also claim that since this case in 2011 they have made significant improvements that this investigation fails to acknowledge. ATOS also responded to the investigation claiming that it understands how difficult and emotional the process is and tries to make it as comfortable as possible. It also said, and I quote "The Work Capability Assessment was designed by the government as a way of assessing how an individual's disability or illness impacts on their day-to-day life. It is not designed to diagnose or treat a medical condition."

Now, correct me if I'm wrong but that last statement in particular makes no sense. Why is the WORK Capability Assessment assessing how people cope with DAY-TO-DAY life. They are in no way similar. What does my ability to use a microwave (a question I was indeed asked at my own assessment) have to do with my ability to go out to a stressful office every day? Now I understand that they are not their to treat my condition, I, and I don't think anyone else, expected them to do that. But I do expect questions relevant to what I'm being assessed for. I also expect for the truth to be written onto the forms. When I recieved a copy of the forms the ATOS worker filled out as part of my appeal she had clearly lied on the forms. There were things I know she asked and I told her the answer to that she pretended I hadn't. She asked me what obsessions or compulsions I experienced and wrote the list down onto the form, however, on the next page she had ticked the box that said I experienced none of these things. That isn't even lying well!

I can tell you that my experience with them sounds identical to hers and mine was carried out just last year. So where are these signicant improvements since 2011? I can't see a single one. If anything they might be worse now. When I entered my appeal I didn't just recieve the disturbingly low rate of Jobseekers Allowance, I recieved nothing. For months I had absolutely no money coming in while the Benefits Office took their sweet time to decide if I was entitled to anything at all. They also, never asked for my doctor's opinion.

The Department of Work and Pensions (Benefit's Office) need to stop lying to cover up the massive discrimination experienced by their system.