Well this will probably be my last post till I get back from my holiday. Lanzarote for a week on Monday so wish me luck not having a total OCD meltdown in a foreign country.
But for now, a little update for you. My psychologist has started trying to target my compulsive handwashing. I had to write down when and why I washed my hands for a day then after that I had to write down when and why I washed my hands using certain rules. I was only allowed to wash my hands after going to the bathroom, before eating and if there was visible dirt or known harmful substances. I went from washing my hands 15 times the first day to 7 the next.
It is really hard to keep up though. I know what the rules are but my head tries to justify why I want to wash my hands to fit into those categories. But I've been trying my best. My psychologist was off sick this week though so I'm just going to have to keep up the experimenting till I'm back from my holiday. Hopefully I'll be too distracted and relaxed when I'm away to stress myself out with obsessions and compulsions but I realise that is unlikely.
Apart from my CBT though I have been really struggling with my stress. I struggled last week because I had a charity event I had planned coming up. I felt totally overwhelmed as I think I mentioned in my last post. And even after it I haven't been able to calm right at all. I don't know if it's just residual stress or because I have to organise me and my mum for going away on holiday and because I set off my BDD and ROCD really badly this week too.
Those two always seem to dance along together. My ROCD just seems to try and steal limelight from every other panic I have. Together they have sent me into many arguments with my fiance this week and have sent me rocking back and forth in bed trying not to feel anything. I'm reading into things other people say and taking them all really personally and I can't look in a mirror without feeling shit about myself.
Hoping a week in the sun will have me feeling a little better. Although a week without my fiance sounds horrific...
No comments:
Post a Comment