First off, sorry I haven't been online really lately. I have been physically ill and then a complete stressed out mess.
I have been organising an event and I feel totally overwhelmed. It was supposed to be experience that I was allowed to give parts of to other people if I became stressed but I couldn't. It really set off my OCD because I felt totally out of my depth and that I'd taken on too much so early on in starting treatment. It threw my right back to square one but then after worrying about that I'd worry that this was it. I'd feel guilty like I'd been lying to people I was ill and that I should just stop and get on with life like this.
I've been feeling hopeless and worthless and depressed and I can't shake any of the feelings that this is just who I am. I'm really scared that I have to be like this forever and that I don't really have OCD at all.
So my CBT has been set right back to keeping a diary of all my panics and obsessions and making lists of all the compulsive things I do and when. So they can see were the patterns and trends are. I was told to find an app that I could log stuff in though so I now have this free one "Cognitive Diary CBT Self-help"
It's quite good. I mean I imagine ones that charge are better but for a free one it's good. it allows you to log what triggered the thought, what feelings you had, what thoughts you had, how much you are convinced by them and how intense it all was. Then after that, u pick challenge statements and say how much u believe those and there is a space for comments. I wouldn't like to be using it alone to try and get better but it keeps a good log of your OCD.
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