The Safe Place

This term is thrown around a lot in my family. The Kerr dictionary definition for it is "the place we put things to get lost". For example:

MUM: I've lost my keys!
ME: Did you put them in the safe place?

It's also the space I go to to clear my head. It's the place in my head where I do all the things that distract me from what a terrible time I'm having. Everyone has one no matter what they call it. Sometimes it's a healthier place than other's. But don't get me wrong, it isn't healthy really. I shouldn't have to turn music up so loud my hearing is funny for hours after and I shouldn't have to make a millionaire shortbread and two batches of cupcakes to feel calm. I'd like to point out that I did all that today but all the baked goods are still in the kitchen... I did not comfort eat myself all of that today. I'll spread that out over a few days and I am planning to share.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that we shouldn't lean on the safe place for support. All it does is shove our problems in a box until later. We aren't any more ready to deal with it later so we put it back in the safe place. I should face up to the fact that I still can't stop my ex chasing me down to "apologize" by telling me about his new relationship and reiterate how he never loved me. I should face up to the fact that everything he said hurts. I should not run away from it and bake. For a start, eating it isn't going to help my unattractiveness (he said that too not just my opinion, although of course with BDD I am of that opinion).

But, I am still playing loud music now, because thinking about it still makes me feel awful. It still sets off several different areas of my OCD and BDD. I suppose I'm still in the safe place because I don't know where to go from there. It's snuggly and warm in here with my music so loud I can't really think. But at the end of the day I will still have to face it.

I think I sort of lost the point of this post in another rant about my ex. I think what I'm trying to say is that we shouldn't get lost up in the cosy fantasy of it. Pushing it aside doesn't make it stop. Whether you go for a walk, a run, find a punching bag (a literal one not a person you are angry at), bake or listen to loud music. I'm very good at getting lost in the safe place and thinking I'm invincible. The longer I stay in it the worse I get, I start making stupid more insane decisions because the crazier they are the more distracting they are. I even did this last night over my hair panic. Every time I freak out over anything I go to this safe place.

This should also be a note to others to watch for. If you know someone is going through something, whether with their condition or just life in general, their stupid decisions should not just be a talking point with others. Too much safe place can lead to self saboutage. So once they've moved past loud music and a late night run step in and have words. Even if they shout at you, get angry or cry. It's best to get it out there and confront it. Because God knows where it might end otherwise.

Sorry for another disjointed rant but I think there's a rambling point in it somewhere.