A Panicked Mind As It Happens

Right, I have given myself a complete panic attack.

I take one pill every evening at 8pm. I was on the last pill in this month's packet and I took it as normal and forgot about it till later on. My Puppy stole the empty packet from the table and chewed it up but I didn't really notice till about half an hour ago.

My OCD told me to check the packet to be sure I took it. This happens most nights but then I couldn't find the packet. When I finally found it chewed up on the floor it was obviously impossible for me to check. This sparked a massive panic attack.

I mean what if I didn't really take it. I mean, I'm fairly sure I remember taking it but the more I think about it the less convinced I am that I did. I keep running over and over it but the thing it that I do it every day and have been for about a year so it's hardly an event anymore. I don't place a lot of stock into the memory of taking it and then I just check later. But now I can't check.

I don't know what to do at all. I had to go and wake my mum up and ask her and everything. She said when the dog stole the packet it looked empty but my brain said that she could have eaten it before mum saw or she might not have seen it was still there because there was only one in a pack of 28 and they're small. She is sure I took it and that I'll be fine because I remember taking it. At least I think I remember taking it. I'm sure I do but then I don't know.

There definately aren't any left in the wreckage of the chewed up pack. The thing is they aren't dangerous so I could take another one to be safe but I've no idea. I just have no clue what to do. Do I take another one and calm my OCD that way or do I listen to my mum and trust that I took it like I always do and I'll be fine. I have only forgotten one pill ever in the year I've been taking them and it was like 6 or 7 months ago. I'm so confused and lost.

Day 15 - Obsessions and Paranoia

This may seem like an odd obsession. It doesn't fit into the most common list but it is an obsession that I personally suffer with a lot.

In a way, I suppose it is similar to my ROCD. It is a severe obsession with people's opinions. I don't know exactly how to describe it but I'll try my best here.

I have a lot of trouble with people not liking me or understanding me. I have done since I was a child. This has manifested itself in this obsession. I get obsessed about why people dislike me and how I can fix it. Even if it is not really my fault, if they say it is I feel horribly bad about it for ages and I can't shake it at all. If I can't talk or argue with the person talking about me about what they're saying I get more and more pent up and angry with them. If I know I'm being talked about I find it difficult to be in the same room as them or not say anything to them about it.

I do have social anxiety issues that do not help any. I find it very difficult to talk to people face to face, especially if they are family of my friends or particularly right now, my Fiance's family. I feel a huge amount of anxiety in case I say or do the wrong thing, which with them I inevitably do.

However with my obsession over it and my paranoia generally I find this all very stressful. I immediately assume that people hate me and I can't some feeling that way at all. I can't shake the need to know what they say about me and if people say that nothing about me was said I am really suspicious that they are lying to me to save my feelings.I can't ever shake off an insult either even if it was said in jest or anger and they didn't really mean it. It sticks with me that that is exactly what they think.

This is probably more about my paranoia than my OCD but the often come hand in hand with each other and I do feel an obsessive level of attention gets paid to this sort of stuff in my head.