Well, maybe more enemy than friend but fickle none the less.
I have spent days, paranoid, obsessive and depressed about the same thing. Today, also my teeth. Really edging more towards my teeth than the other stuff. I mean I'm still bothered by it but seriously, my teeth are driving me nuts.
I have a lot of OCD issues with my teeth. I feel odd aches and pains in them all the time and I worry whenever I take a bite into something crunchy, they click or they move slightly when I eat.
Now, this is not helped by a fear of the dentist so strong I haven't gone for about 5 years. They scare me in a similar way to Doctors. I lie in that chair at the mercy of the very attractive man I have as a dentist (when I go) and await him telling me everythign that is wrong with my teeth. I'm not bothered about the fact that my front two are squint. I barely notice it unless I tilt my head back and look in a mirror. The fact that he constantly tries to get me to take braces is not the problem. The problem is that I don't want to be told that I have gum disease, rotting teeth, need fillings, damaged them in any way, that I'm going to lose them... all sorts. But even without the Dentist I still fear it regularly. Today, it started when I was eating lunch. Weird ache in my tooth and bits stuck in between them because I'm rubbish at eating gammon steaks. It's been bothering me all day. Every time I eat I notice this sort of dull ache. Now I would worry about tooth ache if the dull ache didn't spread across about four teeth at various points through the day. I lick and push and tap them to see if they're loose and how sore they are and obviously, the more I do it the worse the pain is. Like I'm worrying my teeth into pain as well. But no matter how much I know that, I can't stop. I've also been staring at them in every mirror I can find. They look fine. Except, for a small ridge along the top of one of them. Now, I have slightly odd teeth. That little ridge has probably been there since that tooth grew in. But I can't stop licking across it and thinking it feels hugely different. I keep thinking I've chipped my tooth. It's driving me totally insane. I'm trying my best not to go wake up my mum and make her check it for me.
In other news, my hand washing and contamination has gotten so bad my skin is dry, rashy and sore. My hands throb every time I wash my hands and I still can't stop washing at under three or four times a go. Even once I go sit down after that my brain will say I didn't put soap on them and I'll get straight back up and do it again. I've also stopped being able to touch certain things in my house. I can't touch the bathroom door handle without going back and washing my hands, or touch my dogs toys (I can about cope with the dog herself for some reason), any food packets or uncooked food (even dry pasta and stuff), the back door handle, keys, cushions, blankets, dirty dishes... I can't handle any smells on my skin other than soap either. Anything at all. Even like chocolate or foods. I'm not even totally convinced by my flowery hand cream. They all make me want to wash them again. Right now in fact. I've just washed them four times in a row and they don't smell soapy enough. I want to go wash them another time. I'm trying not to because even typing is hurting the skin on my hands.
I have had to retreat to my safe space. Typing on here and listening to loud music that's cheery and got a good beat. Disney songs are good for it I've found. Often I'll watch cheery films as well but there's no really good upbeat song in my favourite Disney movie, Pocahontas. I have to settle for Aladdin for best music. It at least makes me feel a bit better for a couple of minutes till I remember I want to wash my hands and check my teeth.
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