A few days peace from it and it's returned even worse than before. I woke up feeling absolutely awful and really panicky.
My ROCD anxiety is through the roof. I feel like it is hard to tell people about as well. It's a hard thing to explain to someone. It isn't that you genuinely think that you aren't loved by your partner or that you don't love them. It's the fear that it MIGHT happen. That you MIGHT not love them like you thought you did.
Mine has been getting worse and worse. I assume because I am stressed generally and my relationship is an easy thing for my OCD to cling onto. I am taking everything my Fiance says to heart. Things that he doesn't really mean I suddenly think it's the end for us. I read between lines that aren't there and I nitpick every even slightly irritating thing about him and make it sound like a huge deal breaker. The volume at which my OCD screams this all at me in my head makes me furious and upset and so depressed that I have considered just ending it all to make it shut up.
Today it's all to do with an argument. I had settled it yesterday. It was fine, it was done with. I felt fine about it last night. Then I woke up this morning and I couldn't have felt worse about it. I was so angry and hurt by it all. All the things that had been said were circling in my mind over and over again. I wanted to scream at him, or not speak to him at all. I still don't understand how it happened. I just woke up like that this morning and it hasn't shut up since. I can't even tell him about it because he'll just get all angry with me about it. He is very understanding but it was an argument that I have suddenly taken to heart out of nowhere.
No comments:
Post a Comment