Right, so it's the New Year and I am trying to get fitter. Nothing unusual about that right?
Well, it would not be worth mentioning on here at all if it werent for the blight of the womens changing room. My HOCD was reignited in what is commonly known as a "spike". All those women taking their bras off in the changing rooms made me wonder.
I ended up staring fixedly at one locker until we were ready to go. Just sitting there with all these thoughts running through my head about it.
"Why don't u just peak? You'll like it" "You could just go up behind her and touch them" "Imagine what it would feel like to touch them"
The intrusive thoughts were screaming at me and my anxiety levels shot through the roof. I didn't even feel any groinal responses (the twinging feelings you get because you're concentrating on your groin too much). They usually make the spike really bad but despite that it was terrifying. I felt sick and dizzy. It felt wrong to even have the thoughts in my head. The urge to try touching them felt disgusting too me but it scared me that I had thought it. Not just because of the implications I could be a lesbian but that it would also make me some kind of sex offender. Why would I be able to think like that?
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