This last week has been very stressful really. I've had a lot of different stresses with benefits appeals and my ROCD has been really bad.
I've spent all week picking faults and arguments with my fiance. Then I kept worrying he was going to get bored of me and my moods and leave me. I've been really struggling with it and because I've been feeling so bad I kept putting off my CBT exercises.
I was supposed to rearrange my coloured pencils and my DVD's over the weekend. I only managed to rearrange my DVDs and it was really difficult to keep going. I immediately felt anxious and wanted to move them back around. Even when I wasn't looking at them I kept wanting to stare at them and it all FELT wrong. I managed to leave them the wrong way round though. That was 2 days ago and they're stillthe wrong way round and even though I feel less anxious there is still a niggling feeling that I need to move them back around. If I think about it at all it still feels wrong.
Also, I did my first in session exercise. My psychologist spread jam on the coffee table next to my chair and made me sit next to it. I got very tense and edgy and kept staring at it all the time. Even when I was talking to her about other things I kept looking at it or wanting tolook at it. It was like I needed to keep an eye on it at all times. Not that I really thought it would move but like if I wasn't vigilent enough part of me or my bag or something might touch it. I wasn't even happy being near the table. It took a good 40 minutes or so to even get my anxiety to start to drop and even when I left the session I still felt a little tense.
I have to repeat the DVD rearranging exercise three times over the next week. The more I practice the easier it'll get.
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