Well I've decided to keep on here to vent. Even if I am just a moan at least I feel a bit better afterwards.
And after what happened to me earlier I could do with that feeling a little better...
I had a massive HOCD spike. My HOCD has been not bad of late. It was only bothering me every so often and would sort of panic me for about half an hour then wear off. Not today. Today it sprung on me in the most personal and private way possible. I'm not sure how much detail it is right to go into in a public site but suffice to say an image of a woman I had met at the party the other night popped into my head at a very disturbing moment.
It wasn't a sexual image really either. It was an image of a photo I had taken of her at the party since I was supposed to take pictures of everyone. I did think she was pretty on the night and that her dress looked nice and she seemed like a lovely person but it never bothered me at the time.
It just popped into my head earlier and I've been completely paranoid ever since. I now remember her mentioning her a couple of times to other people after the party but I think it was mostly about that it was a nice photo but I couldn't remembre who she was there with. And now I think that mentioning her so much must mean I fancy her. And her popping into my head at complletely the wrong moment must mean I fancy her. And now I must be a lesbian.
I panicked myself so much I cried myself to sleep and slept for about 9 hours. Now I'm awake it's still bothering me and I have to post this.
Been there too many times. More than I care to remember.
ReplyDeleteVenting like this quite healthy, when you need to vent the best medication is to do just that, VENT!!!
Just be careful how you share it, someone might report you for spam, as someone just did on me.
Love and hugs coming your way. God bless and Godspeed.