One of the main coping mechanisms used by OCD sufferers is to create rituals. They create rituals and pin all sorts of hopes to them. As soon as they carry them out they feel better. Like whatever is wrong is now righted. If they don't carry out the ritual then it feels wrong and it makes them more and more stressed until they are forced to carry it out so that they feel better.
My OCD used to be almost controlled by my rituals. When I was a teenager it was less about panic and obsessions and more about all these finicky little rituals I had to carry out so that the world felt right to me. So that I could go on with the rest of my day.
None of my rituals were good for me. They were covering for boundless amounts of anxiety. I thought it was control at the time but it was really just another way to take over my life. I could function better overall but I had to do EVERYTHING a certain way.
I got up in the morning and made my bed so all of the matress was covered and there were no creases on the duvet. I brushed my teeth 20 times front, top and back then all over again on the bottom row. I left the house for school at 7.10am exactly. I lined all my books and stationary from biggest to smallest in a pile in the top righthand corner of my desks. I checked through my dvd's when I got home to make sure they were still in their order - alphabetically within age classification - and turned on my laptop. I sorted my coloured pencils into rainbow colour order and light to dark within each colour. Before I went to bed I had to turn over the duvet and all the pillows. Every time I entered a room I had to check for spiders in it and I had to have doors a specific distance open.
If any of my rituals went slightly wrong I could be completely inconsolable for hours at a time.
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