I need to get less stuff going on. I have so much I NEED to do just now that it's driving my OCD through the roof. Tiny little things that barely bothered me before are getting more and more likely to set off my OCD.
Today it was back to my balding obsession. I tried hard to fend it off but my OCD just wasn't having it. I have this sort of felt jacket with a high collar and it must rub my hair wrong because every time I wear it I end up with really tuggy and matted hair. Now, I've been wearing this coat for weeks and it hasn't bothered me that I have to brush massive mats out of my hair every time I take it off but today it set me off completely.
What if I get big bald patches or lose chunks of my hair from brushing through all the tugs? I mean they are big tugs and it hurts when I brush them out because I'm pulling at the strands to make them separate... So surely it makes sense that I would lose a lot of hair? I have been terrified I'm going to go bald in patches at the back of my head all day. I tried taking photos of the back of my head and angling mirrors to see if I could see the back of my own head but nothing has worked.
I don't think it helps that I can't see the back. Because when I have a "I'm going bald" para it's always about the underneath or the back of my hair. The areas I cant see at all.
I even set myself off by tying my hair into a ponytail earlier. I was trying to keep it off my collar but then when I put my hair scrunchy in I panicked that I was pulling it too tight and that would pull hair out or that it would catch round the little metal clip and pull chunks of my hair out that way. It's just been on my mind constantly today... Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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